My Worst

I am human. I admit I do make mistakes. I don't have a valid reason every time I get an attitude. Yes, I'm a brat & most of the people around me spoil me in some kind of way. I've done things that some would look down on. I've said really hurtful things in the heat of an arguement. I don't like to apologize. I am non-chalant. I'm touch as nails on the outside but let the lights go down & the doors close & I'm soft as a muffin. I curse like a sailor sometimes. I say what I want to who I want when I want. I'd fight you in a heartbeat if you pissed me off enough. I'm careless. I love being naked. I go against the grain. I am mean & a little rude...and proud of it. You can't tell me nothing because in my 21years on this God forsaken earth I've seen alot, heard alot, & done alot yet it didn't break me. I have a wicked smart mouth that is loaded with witty comebacks & much sarcasm. Blunt is me. I shut people out because I believe they will hurt me. Once again, I've made mistakes. Some I'm not proud of. I don't regret anything I've done because at the time I wanted to do it. Clearly that mean I do what i want. I'm stubborn & hard headed...it comes with being an Aries. Never will I let you see me sweat. "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

— Marilyn Monroe

Neighbors Know Yo Name.?

I was listening to Purp (my ipod) & Mr. Trey Songz starts boomin' through my headphones. "I bet the neighbors know my name..." Ya'll know the rest of it. You know how Trey Songz' music gets me so I start really feelin' it & thinkin' about it. Then it hit me...THE NEIGHBORS KNOW YO NAME.?

A lot of niggas think they are Songz himself. In what I like to call REALITY they really aren't. Hell, most of em don't even know how to give good head. Like dude, you think you givin' her the business when 7 times out of 10 she's fakin" to stroke yo ego. Which is pretty dumb. Why cheat yoself.? Let that man know his d*** game is weak. Tell him he ain't hittin' that spot right. Never should you let him go on thinkin' he's doing something when he really isn't. The only reason that the neighbors know his name is because he's been living there for all of his life. His grandmother or mother goes to the same church with them. Or their kids attended the same schools. The definitely don't know his name from him bangin' yo back out. That is too funny to me. I know I done got some good before but... me...I'm not a screamer so...HA.! The neighbors will never know your name. Sorry.!

Ms. Marylin Monroe

"When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them."

— Marilyn Monroe

 

 

 

"It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone."

— Marilyn Monroe

 

"If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty."

— Marilyn Monroe

 

 

 

 

"We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift."

— Marilyn Monroe

Insecure

in·se·cure  /ˌɪnsɪˈkyʊər/ [in-si-kyoor]


–adjective


1. subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured: an insecure person.
2. not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious: He was insecure about the examination.
3. not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger: an insecure stock portfolio.
4. not firmly or reliably placed or fastened: an insecure ladder.




Now that you know the definition you sour apple bitter bitches need to fix it. If you were confident with your position you wouldn't need to be worried about the next person's relationship. Evidently ya'll bond aint as strong as you think. Being petty about bullshit makes you look stupid.

Suicide

I don't think that I did it right

Days all dark, to me it's all night.

Lying here thinking "this just can't be life"

So I didn't really commit suicide.?

My Silent Supporter

To My Silent Supporter...


I thank you. I thank you for every time you've read my blog. The thought of knowing that someone reads & appreciates my words makes me smile. You never leave a comment, but I know there's things that you want to say. It's okay. As long as you keep reading it's fine by me. Stepping into the mind of me is semi dangerous but you take the step. Brave be the man who reads my blog. Just kidding. I really appreciate it. Thanks from the bottom.

P.S. Thanks for everything you do for me..including the blanket. COWBOYS IN THIS BITCH.! AAAAYYYYYYEEEE.!

Lesson Learned

2:37 a.m. "Ugh.!" It's cold and I have to be on set in 2 hours. I'm up mad at myself. I should have never let that lying, cheating, good for nothing ex-girlfriend of mine in my bed. In and out of a relationship since we were juniors in high school, I've always been weak for Jaylin. Everything about her makes me completely submissive. I melt at the thought of her smile. Her hazel eyes make me surrender every time I try to fight the temptations. I crumble, collapse, and disintegrate at the sound of her sweet voice saying my name.


"Charlie, I don't know why you act like you don't want me. You know you miss my touch. Don't you.?" I came home late from being on set for 12 hours famished & exhausted. The last thing I was expecting was for her to be lying in my king size bed hugging the royal purple satin sheets that dressed it. I dropped my work bag on the red settee and threw my keys onto the coffee that I made myself. I knew this was going to be a long night as I walked to the kitchen to pour myself a drink.
"What are you doin' here Jay.?", I yelled from the kitchen.
"Babe, I've missed you. Is that so hard to believe.?" I could hear her footsteps creeping up behind me.
"Yeah. It is actually hard to believe. I'm not really in the mood for you and your fuckin mind games." I turned to see her standing in the doorway with one of my old t-shirts on. Damn she looked good as hell.
"I'm not playin' any mind games.! I just want to be held by you.! DAMN", she raised her voice.
"I know you must be tired from work hun."
She turned and walked to the oven and slowly opened it. The smell that escaped that oven hit me like a freight train. She had made my favorite dish of hers. Baked chicken with asparagus tips with wild rice and a butter herb sauce. I couldn't not resist the tantalizing smell any longer. I sat on a bar stool as she prepared my plate. I sipped my Riesling and ate as she rubbed my back. I became to feel more at ease as we talked and laughed. I must admit it felt good being in her presence again. Jay was definitely right. I had missed her so much. We had seven years of history together. It felt like old times. At this point I didn't care why she was here. "Carpe temporis punctum.!" I thought.


After I had finished eating, I made my way to the bathroom to shower. I turned to the hot water with a tad bit of cold to get the perfect temperature. When it was just right I undressed and grabbed the remote for the high tech stereo system that was installed throughout my apartment. There Goes My Baby by Usher softly played through the speakers. I let the water cascade down my entire body as I stood directly under the shower head. The soothing water mixed with the effect of a full stomach and liquor in my system made me feel slightly aroused. I drifted into a daze and was awaken by Jaylin's soft lips on my next. She was now in the shower with me. She sensually washed my body from head to toe. Planting tiny, sweet, kisses all over my body as she went. after I rinsed off we shared one of the fluffy purple bathroom towels that sat on the bathroom shelf. Just like high school kids we giggled as we made our way to my bedroom kissing and touching the whole way there. I took the towel from around us and tossed it on the floor. Gently, I pushed Jay onto the bed and directed her turn over. She complied with my directions. I stared as her honey complexion glowed under the dim lighting of the room. I grabbed the edible massage oil from on top of my dresser and proceeded to the bed. Starting at her feet, I massaged each of her toes. Making my way up her legs I gave each one my undivided attention. She moaned with pleasure as I massaged her thick thighs. Her skin was as soft as fine silk. Smooth to my touch. I felt my pleasure rise as my body got hot. Continuing my journey up her body I massaged her plump, rotund, ass. "DAMN.!", I said aloud as I rubbed & squeezed her butt. I straddled her and began to place kisses all over her ass & up her spine.
"Charlie, mmmm", she moaned.
Lick & kiss. Kiss & lick. I kept this up until I reach Jaylin's neck. Somehow she managed to turn over under my weight. She inched down until she was right under me face to face with my love. When I felt the warmth of her breath on my protruding pearl I damn near buckled. She teased my clit with the tip of her tongue as I slowly rotated my hips over her lovely face. Jay darted her tongue in and out of my pleasure chest. It felt so good that I couldn't contain myself.
"I'm c-c-com....mmmmmm." was all I could manage to say. Jaylin licked her index and middle digits and began to rapidly rub my love button.  "Shit.! Jay, I'm comin.!!!", I screamed. A wave of euphoria rushed through my body as my juice gushed into Jay's mouth. "Still sweet", she giggled. I collapsed on top of her & kissed her passionately. I could taste my candied fluids on her tongue. I reached down and felt her waterfall flowing. Inserting one of my fingers I kissed her deeply. Jay thrust her hips forward as I continued my in and out motion. With my thumb I rubbed her already swollen button of pleasure all the while still fingering her. She matched my pace beat for beat. We picked up a rapid speed. Hearts beating fast and Jay's moaning echoed through the halls. I felt her legs tighten up & begin to quiver with excitement. I pulled my hand away and dived head first into her pool of love. She tasted even better than the last time we made love. I licked the fleshy folds of her pussy. She squirmed as I explored her love with my tongue. Placing two fingers in her again I fingered her as my tongue flicked across her clitoris. With my other hand I had to place it around her pretty thighs to keep her from locking my head between her limbs. Her body began to jerk. I knew what was coming. "Cum for me, baby.", I managed to say.
"Chaaaaaarliiiiieeeeeee.!" she groaned. "Ohh...OH.! OOOOHHHHHHH.!"
Her flood gates open and I damn near drowning in her ocean. We collapsed on the bed. Cuddling and kissing until we drifted off to sleep.


I wake up and look at the clock through blurred vision. After a few blinks I made out 2:17 am. I smile at the thought of the sex we had. I rolled over in the silk royal purple sheets that dressed my bed. The space next to me was empty. I sat up. No lights on anywhere in the house. Jaylin was gone. I knew where she went. She left me to be with James. Her boyfriend. Once again she used me. 2:37 a.m. "Ugh.!" It's cold and I have to be on set in 2 hours. I'm up mad at myself. I should have never let that lying, cheating, good for nothing ex-girlfriend of mine in my bed. When will I ever learn.?

Words To Live By...

Words to live by. . . . . .

My Favorite

My Favorite...what can I say about My Favorite.? First off he is effin awesome.! He is definitely my n-word. I love him to death for a number of reasons. He acts like me...if not...WORSE.! Rude. Arrogant. Funny. Energetic. Not to mention he can dance his ass off. We met 2 years ago freak dancin' all over the damn floor. Once I seen those loooong lashes I just had to have him. But we developed this bond. One that I wouldn't trade for anything. He knows me sooo well & we don't even have to talk daily. He gets me. I get him. I know that I can certainly call on My Fav if I'm ever down. I know he'll answer with the words that I need to hear...even if I don't wanna hear em. That's My Fav. I'm glad that 2 years ago I went to that "Dollar Party" because if I would have went to Level 10 I'd have witnessed the death of a friend. I would have missed out on a friendship to die for & probably messed up my psyche. I LOVE YOU RY.!

Monster

I love the song Monster by Kanye West featuring Jay-Z, Rick Ross, and Nicki Minaj

Lyrics:

[Bon Iver]

I shoot the lights out
Hide til its bright out
Whoa, just another lonely night
Are you willing to sacrifice your life?


[Rick Ross]
Bitch I’m a monster no good blood sucker
fat muthaf-cker now look who’s in trouble
as you run through my jungle all you hear is rumbles
Kanye West sample, here’s one for example



[Kanye West - Chorus]
Gossip gossip
n-ggas just stop it
everybody know (I’m a muthaf-cking monster)
I’ma need to see your f-cking hands at the concert
I’ma need to see your f-cking hands at the concert
profit profit, n-gga I got it
everybody know I’m a muthaf-cking monster
I’ma need to see your f-cking hands at the concert
I’ma need to see your f-cking hands at the ….
[Kanye West]
The best living or dead hands down huh?
less talk more head right now huh?
and my eyes more red than the devil is
and I’m bout to take it to another level bitch
there you go again, aint nobody as cold as this
do the rap and the track triple double no assist
but my only focus is staying on some bogus sh-t
argue with my older bitch acting like I owe her sh-t
I heard the people sayin raps are gettin trap mayne
bought the chain that always give me back pain
f-ckin up my money so yeh I had to act sane
Chi n-gga but these hoes love my accent
she came up to me and said this the number 2
if you wanna make it number one your number 2 now
this that goose an’ malibu I call it Malibooya
God damn Yeezy How I hit em with the new style
know that muthaf-cker well, what you gon do now
whatever ever I wanna do, gosh its cool now
nah gonna do, uhh its a new now
think yo muthaf-cker really reall need to cool down
cause you will never get on top off this
so mommy best advice is to get on top of this
have you ever had sex with a pharoah
I put the p-ssy in a sarcophagus
now she claiming I bruise her esophagus
head of the class and she just want a swallowship
I’m living the future so the presence is my past
my presence is a present kiss my ass
[Kanye West - Chorus]


[Jay-Z]
Sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong
Lochness, Goblin, Ghoul, a zombie with no conscience
question what do all these things have in common
everybody knows I’m a muthaf-cking monster
conquer, stomp ya, stop your silly nonsense
none of you n-ggas know where the swamp is
none of you n-ggas have seen the carnage that I’ve seen
I still here fiends scream in my dream
murder murder in black convertibles
I kill a block I murder avenues
rape and pillage a village, women and children
everybody wanna know what my achilles heel is
LOVE I dont get enough of it
all I get is these vampires and blood suckers
all I see is these n-ggas I’ve made millionnaires
milling about, spilling there feelings in the air (shot at Beanie?)
all I see is these fake f-cks with no fangs
tryna draw blood with my ice cold veins
I smell a massacre
seems to be the only way to back you bastards up
[Chorus]


[Nicki Minaj]
Pull up in the monster
automobile gangster
with a bad b-tch that came from Sri Lanka
yeah I’m in that Tonka, colour of Willy Wonka
you could be the King but watch the Queen conquer
ok first things first I’ll eat your brains
then I’mma start rocking gold teeth and fangs
cause that’s what a muthaf-cking monster do
hairdresser from Milan, thats the monster do
monster Giuseppe heel that’s the monster shoe
Young Money is the roster and the monster crew
and I’m all up all up all up in the bank with the funny face
and if I’m fake I aint notice cause my money aint
let me get this straight wait I’m the rookie
but my features and my shows ten times your pay?
50k for a verse, no album out!
yeah my money’s so tall that my barbie’s gotta climb it
hotter than a middle eastern climate
find it Tony Matterhorn dutty wine it
while it, nicki on them titties when I sign it
how these n-ggas so one-track minded
but really really I don’t give a F-U-C-K
forget barbie f-ck nicki she’s fake
she’s on a diet but my pockets eating cheese cake
and I’ll say bride of Chucky is Child’s play
just killed another career it’s a mild day
besides ‘Ye they can’t stand besides me
I think me, you and Am [Amber Rose] should menage friday
pink wig thick ass give em whip lash
I think big get cash make em blink fast
now look at what you just saw I think this is what you live for
aaaahhh, I’m a muthaf-cking monster!
[Bon Iver]
I-I crossed the line-line
and I’ll-I’ll let God decide-cide
I-I wouldn’t last these shows
so I-I am headed home
(repeated)
[End]