The Difference

My mother had six children. I of course am the youngest. You may think being the youngest is cool. You think that I get/got whatever I want/wanted. Ok....you may be right. (lol) I am a pretty spoiled person but the age difference with me & my siblings took a toll on me as a kid. I came eight years after the rest of the clan was born. My siblings are no more than four years apart. What sucks is...I never really had a relationship with them until I was 18. Growing up...i was the only one at home from the time I was 6 or 7. Everyone else was grown or living elsewhere. I felt lonely. I still feel that way at times. They have soooo many stories of growing up and the mischief that they go into together. Not fair in so many ways. I was forced to get into trouble alone or with my closest friends. Why the fuck couldn't I have come sooner.? I spent countless days alone. I learned to play by myself. I learned to fend for myself. I didn't talk to my big sisters about my first kiss. My first love. My first time having sex. I damn sure didn't talk to my brothers about it. My friends became my siblings. Gaby & Shamari became the little sisters I never wanted. (lol) I loved them tho. I used to think that I was a mistake. Yeah, sucks for me. The good thing about the age gap was my brothers & sisters spoiled me absolutely rotten. I got whatever I wanted from any of them. I feel that it was only right, don't you.?


When I'm stable enough to have kids my kids will not be too far in age. Four years max.! I think going through what I went through makes me feel in such a way that I wouldn't my own to feel that way. Horrid feeling it is. I know first hand.

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