Me, a bottle of tequila, & my thoughts. Watching the waves move so fluently. How calming to have the a blend of orange, yellow and red infused rays setting on a pomegranate & light blue sky. Staring into the ocean that stretch for miles beyond the eyes view, I relax. I let my thoughts run wild and my emotions soar. Toes wiggling in the sand I smile. I smile just because. No man brought this smile to my face. No amount of money placed the smile upon my face. Alone I sip tequila & think. I think about how I terribly miss my daddy. It's been almost 9 years and I still can barely cope some days. Here come the tears. Cascading down my face with rapid speed. A whirlwind of emotions stir inside of me. Anguish & sorrow. Happiness for the good times that we shared. Damn a sip. I take a gulp & I'm calm again. Back to wiggling my toes & playing in the sand. The warmth of the sun slowly dies & is replaced by the cool breeze of the water. Those vivacious rays fading to darkness. The coolness of the night's air sends chills over my entire body. Yet the tequila has blanketed my feeling. I wonder if he still thinks of me. Does he still love me? Where is he? My gosh! What if he's in jail? I should have listened to him all those years ago. I'd probably still be in love. The mistakes we make not listening to our hearts. Another sip of the bottle is like the shake of an Etch-A-Sketch. My thoughts continue on their race to the finishline. They just take a different route. How could a mother treat her child in such a way? I don't comprehsend. Oh no. my words are slurring in my mind. Good thing I'm not talking to anyone or they'd know that I was tipsy. I dig my toes deeper into the sand and notice that all of the beaches patrons have taken their leave. I was alone anyway so it doesn't really bother me. That selfish bitch! Sorry ass excuse for a mother, if you ask me. I resents the alcoholic mother, the absentee mother, the get on welfare & collect child support yet the child looks like a starving Nigerian child mother. The mother who is busy chasing men instead of being a mother, mother. The get high mother. The I don't see what the big deal is, mama. I can't stand none of you inconsiderate, selfish, irresponsible bitches. I can you bitches because you ain't shit. My gaze so fixed on the crashing waves calms the furious beast within me. Two more sips. No I think I'm drunk. Why? Why was I left alone with him? How could he do such a vile thing. Why didn't someone save me? How come my mommy didn't know? I thought mothers knew everything. "Ouch! That hurts!" "Damn you so tight girl" "Please, stop it!" "I'm the doctor. Don't you want to play?" Aaahhhhhh! Stop it! Get off of me you sick bastard! Don't touch her ponytails you fuckin creep! My head spins from the episode. Tears flowing like Niagra falls. I can't catch my breath & now I'm heaving. Weezing like I have asthma. I can't stand you! Stay out of my dreams! I scream & then it all goes black........
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