Foolish Pride

I'm a very prideful person. So as I sit here & cry I think about all my wrongs I've done due to my pride. I disrespected you as a man. Speaking to you as if you were a little bitch & not a grown man. The countless times I've hung up in your face after you asked me time and time again not to. I've mistreated you because I was angry with someone else and you didn't do anything to deserve it. Calling you names out of anger. Being a bitch for no reason. All due to my foolish pride. I know I'm not perfect. Not by a long shot. But I do know I could have done better. Better at trying to trust you. Better at trying to ease the insecuritites lurking deep inside of you. Better to be better for you. My pride wouldn't let me. My pride made me a foolish girl about many things instead of the "grown" person that I claimed to be. By no means am I trying to win you over. I know better to think that you can be so easily persuaded. It's just that after the numb feeling fades the reality sets in. No means do I want you to feel sorry for me. I'm not looking for that. My pride is speaking because like I told you before to hurt you is to hurt myself. That's what I've been doing this entire time. I admit the cause of the problems was me. The reason for 80% of the arguments was me. The reason I was angry was me. I do admit that I love you & care about you & that is definitely something that pride will never take from me.

So to all of you who let your inflated pride get the best of you I am proof that it only hurts yourself.

I Prayed

Sitting in a dimly lit bathroom, I cried. And cried, & cried, & cried some more. I sat in a tub full of hot water until it turned cold. How could they have been so selfish? How could they not have told me? Didn't I have a right to know? Chills over come my entire body at this point but all I can do is cry. "That slut," I yell out. Frustrated. Heartbroken. Shocked. Anguish. Hatred. Just a few words that describe how I'm feeling. My entire life has been a lie. My identity, no longer am I sure of. Who am I? I question myself. Then I cry. Never been a super religious person. Never been to church since I hit my 20's. I read my Bible every now and again. I remembered what a good friend of mine had said. "When you're lost for answers. Ask God. When you feel like no one is there for you. God is right by your side. When the darkness overwhelms you. God will be your light." I got out of the icy cold water, and I took to my knees. In the same suit I was born in I began to pray. As I prayed, I cried. I prayed harder & louder. I cried more and more. I prayed & cried until I was spent. There I lay on the bathroom floor until I fell asleep. In the morning when I had awaken from my slumber I had nomore tears. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. The hustle & bustle of the busy street below let me know that I had made it through the night. With not an ounce of any of the emotions that I felt the previous night, I smile. Still bearing my naked body I began to pray. I prayed & I cried. In my rawest form I thanked God for answering my prayers rapidly. Giving me the strength to get through the night. For taking away that pain inflicted upon me. And most of all, for giving me the breath to see yet another day. With a smile on my face I knew that giving it to God would allow me to be okay.

Leaving

With every step it hurts. I love you but I know what I’m worth. 

And through my tears I mask the feeling of lonely that I fear. And tho this makes you sad, Genuine love for you is what I had. With every step it hurts To be with you only diminishes my worth.

Mr. Incredible

Mr. Incredible Lyrics at elw

Hard To Trust

It's hard to trust someone who you tell things to only to later have them thrown in your face at some point in time. It makes it hard to want to talk to that person about anything. Or is it just me that feels this way?

Forehead Kiss

The most intimate kiss is the infamous ; forehead kiss. A kiss so tender it can make the most hostile of woman weak in her knees. You see the forehead kiss can definitely be used interjectionally. It let's her know you care. Or that everything will be okay. That you apologize. So many meanings, just one gesture. How many women do you know that don't absolutely adore kisses place upon their foreheads? Not many if any at all,.right? Crazy.

Just One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days where you dress really cute? You're matching from head to toe yet something doesn't feel right? That was me on this day. Surprisingly a lot of people liked the look. Not that it matter if people liked it or not that's me. I thought I looked pretty cool. Don't you? :)

In My Skin

I am comfortable in my own skin. I accept every scar, every quirk, every dent or ding that I have. I'm okay with my little boobs. I embrace the jiggle of my little butt. I don't regret any of my tattoos. It's my body art. That represent my life. I love my slender frame. I don't care if people think I'm "too skinny". Your opinion doesn't render the way I feel about myself. You don't have that power. Sorry.

The Hoe

Stumbled across this on Facebook a few minutes ago. This cat was funny but definitely speaking some sort of truth. Check him out.


http://youtu.be/qkt7Dx_uK5Y

GETS LIKE THIS SOMETIMES.

Sex, to me, is more erotic with the lights off. Room pitch black. It isn't because I'm uncomfortable with my body. I love my petite shape. I just believe that sightless exploration of your lovers body will heighten your sexuality.

To Love

To love someone whole heartedly is a difficult task the strongest of man has trouble conquering.

Uninspired

Oh my! I haven't seriously blogged in quite a while. It's not like I haven't been thinking about it or wanting to. I have. I really have but I haven't been inspired. I've been singing that Kelly Rowland song Motivation, yet I have none. On top of that I have a case of writer's block. My sexually creative mind isn't even working. If I start to write it feels so forced so I stop & then it gets lost or accidentally deleted. Most of the time I don't approve of the quality of my writings. It blows because I love to write. I love to draw out these vivid pictures with my words and now ... I can't. OH!!! How could I forget everything I write is under the fucking microscope. "Who is this about?", "Was that to me?", "You're so negative." I get tired of it. Not everything is about someone or something I've gone through. I have a creative mind too, ya know? Hopefully my blockage comes to an end soon. I need that release.

Raw Me

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day (5.8.2011). I want to give a special Mother's Day shoutout to Lady. We done had our ups a downs. Been theu bad times & good. We made a trip to hell & back but through it all she did her stuff for me. I appreciate it all. She spoiled me rotten (along with my Daddy.) I can't express how much I love & appreciate her crazy ass buuuut I do. Love you Lady.


Special Mother's Day love to my closest friends & loved ones mommies, grandmommies, & godmommies. Fav, Twin, Cortes, Kev, Keys, Keith, Tiff, Lan, Boogie, Locito, Beautiful, bnL, Nick...& anyone I forgot.

I don't know but it looked kinda cool

Motivation

This shit is sooo sexy!! I would. . . .Let me stop.

KP Sings Still In Love by Tyra B.

I absolutely adore Keke Palmers voice! Like seriously!!

Beach Flow Video

I have NO idea as to what was being said or done in this video. (lol. Yet I was recording)

I love you too much to hurt you. That's why we could never be together. I'm afraid I'd hurt you. I couldn't deal with that.