My Only Memory

About 3 days ago I was about to blog about this picture that I keep in my wallet. I never take this picture out unless I'm switching wallets. Well, I went to get the picture and I didn't see it. I cleaned the wallet out, checked my other wallets, tore my closet up lookin' for it. I even called Lady (my mom) at about 12a.m. lookin' for knowing she had to be up at 5:30 to get ready for work. Did I care.? HELL NO.! When I couldn't find it I cried. I sat outside with no jacket, no shoes, & no clue and cried. You may be thinking. "It's only a picture." That is where you are ever so wrong. See this is the ONLY thing that I have left of the ONLY father figure I've ever known. I hold this picture near and dear to my heart & to think it was lost forever hurt me so badly. I didn't know what to do. I texted my favorite (male) cousin Keith, I called my Day One. I texted and/or called anyone that could possibly cheer me up and it didn't work.

This man meant the world to me. I wasn't his biological daughter but he raised me as his own. I came before any and everyone. He even put me before his son Mark. YES.! His biological son. I was his "Big Girl". He spoiled me rotten all the way to my core and loved me, spoiled brat & all. When he died...I died too. My world basically crashed and I had to start over. His selfish fuckin' mother flew his body to Philly & buried him there. I didn't get to attend a funeral service. No memorial. No repass. No nothing. My mom threw all of his belongings away. All the tapes we used to groove to while he sippped Christian Brother's Brandy & smoked his nasty smelling Marlboro cigarettes. Ugh.! I laugh because my mom would always tell him he needed to quit smokin' & he'd tell her to shut up. He'd say "I gonna die anyway. I might as well live doin' stuff that I enjoy doing". I smile at the memories we shared even though I am in tears right now.

Now you see that it is more than just a picture. It's the ONLY memory of my daddy that I have left. Wouldn't you freak out too.?

Look at that scratch on my eye brow.! Lol ROUGH